Meditation Medication Blog

with

Dr. Nickie Ann

Becoming Butterfly: Embracing the Process of Change

By Nickie Ann Cespedies October 28th, 2020

There is a butterfly in all of us, we just have to be willing to go through the pain of change.

Ignorance Has No Wings.

“The truth is that everyone can fly. But before we do so we must accept the rules that govern gravity and aerodynamics. If not, sadly those who attempt flying will crash and burn.”

There is a story that I read about back in high school, about a preacher called Bedward who proclaimed one Sunday in church, that he would prove the power of faith by flying. The following Sunday Bedward gathered his church folk and had them spectate this miracle that his God was about to perform through him. So with no further hesitation, he climbed to the very top of the highest tree in the town, and then without any fear or wincing, launched himself into the open air with the bright blue blanket of the sky, serving as his backdrop. A few amazing seconds later, the poor but fearless church leader, crashed fatally to the ground in full awe of his followers, skeptics and those who just gathered for entertainment.

Bedward did not fail to fly, he instead failed to understand that humans fly a little bit differently. The truth is that everyone can fly. But before we do we must accept the rules that govern gravity and aerodynamics. If not, sadly those who attempt flying will crash and burn. Nature makes no exceptions for ignorance.

Poor Little Caterpillar

“While you wait on your wings, you are learning to be vigilant, resourceful, resilient and wise. It's all a process, one that will teach you much needed wisdom to prepare you for your wings."

We all yearn to fly in some way or another, as we chase after our dreams or after anything we think will make us successful in life. But unfortunately, many times failure sets in on this journey. Very few of us will keep pressing forward toward the mark, while many others drag on and slouch behind, taking on a "poor little caterpillar" mentality. It's a fact that there are fewer successful people who accomplish their dreams, than there are people who do. This is so, because many dream-seekers learned to embrace their state of caterpillar, realizing that ignoring the rules of the universe and trying to fly before they are ready will result in failure. They know this because they have tried several times, only to fail and had to return to the caterpillar state and go through the process of change.

But being a caterpillar is not all that bad. While we await our metamorphosis to kick in, we can appreciate who we are in the process. A caterpillar though weird-looking and fragile, is a spectacular creature. It has twelve eyes which it uses to be fully aware of its environment- its predators and resources. It has 4,000 muscles in its small soft body which is amazing when you compare that to a human being who has 650 muscles. Life at the bottom of the food chain can be tough, so caterpillars employ all kinds of strategies to avoid becoming a bird snack. Take for instance, the Spicebush Swallowtails. They display large eyespots to deter birds from eating them. If you've ever tried to take a caterpillar from its host plant only to have it fall to the ground, you've observed it using thanotosis to thwart your efforts to collect it. So being a caterpillar isn't all that bad. While you wait on your wings, you are learning to be vigilant, resourceful, resilient and wise. It's all a process, one that will teach you much needed wisdom to prepare you for your wings.

So, Are You Ready For Your Wings?

“To become a butterfly metamorphosis is necessary. If the caterpillar never gone through this great experience of change, it would have never reached its great destiny of being its glorious self. "

The truth is, the caterpillar was a butterfly all along and so are you. We all were born with wings waiting for the right time to emerge.

The butterfly is truly a beautiful and graceful creature but we all know he didn't start out that way. Yes, I said "he", because not all butterflies are girls (contrary to what many of us might believe). In fact, some of the most beautiful things we have come to value and treasure, similarly to the caterpillar, have gone through extremely harsh processes to become a success story, for example, diamonds, pearls, precious gems, and gold. It's all a part of the process of success- going through the heat, the pain, the metamorphosis.

If we view ourselves on our journey in life as a caterpillar, we might find a bit more peace. Many of us desire to fly, to achieve success, but fail to understand the laws that govern flying, such persons are most likely to crash to the ground like our dear friend Bedward. In our caterpillar state many of us operate in denial or disregard the process- the stages of metamorphosis which will unfortunately work against us ever getting our wings and taking flight.

But in the words of Alvin Day renown motivational speaker, "If caterpillars can fly so can I." This not-so-attractive and squishy little creature was born to fly, but for him, it comes naturally. Though his wings are unseen, they are there somewhere inside of him, just waiting for the right time to emerge. He does not need others to give him wings, all he has to do is wait. The only difference between humans and caterpillars is that flying for us has to be a choice. The caterpillar has no other choice but to become a butterfly because that's his destiny. But as for you, you have free will to choose yours. While you wait caterpillar, try to be patient; be appreciative of the process; trust in God, put in consistent hard work, believe in yourself; be kind to others along the way, and in time your wings will also appear, and you will take flight.

As the quote says "To become a butterfly metamorphosis is necessary. If the caterpillar never went through this great experience of change, it would have never reached its great destiny of being its glorious self."

Meditate upon these things. Shalom!-- Dr. Nickie Ann

Anyone can suffer from depression at any stage in their lives.

Overcoming Depression

By Nickie Ann Cespedies June 3, 2022

“Depression is so real and can affect anyone at any time in their lives”

Research has revealed that approximately 264 million people in the world suffer from some type of depression while approximately 40 million people in the United States make up a part of this statistic. Suffering from depression is more common than you think. Depression is so real and can affect anyone at any time in their lives. It is totally normal for you to feel sad, tired, or out of it sometimes based on a certain experience you having. However, if you find yourself feeling like this day after day, week after week, or even for a month, chances are you might be suffering from some kind of depression.

What is Depression And Some Of Its Root Causes And Common Symptoms?

A practical definition for depression is a feeling of constant sadness, hopelessness, feeling demotivated, disinterested, and constantly feeling tired, having a lack of appetite, and in some cases practicing poor hygiene. You might not want to participate in activities that you usually enjoy doing, and or may not enjoy being around friends, family, or just people in general. If any of these feelings persist for more than 2 weeks you are more than likely suffering from depression.

Common Symptoms of Depression

Depression is triggered by a slow production of new brain cells and poor connection between brain cells, particularly in the prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus which are responsible for mood regulation and information processing. That may be the scientific cause, however, there are other biological, social, and environmental causes for depression as well. Some of these are:

Genetics - Yes! If you have a parent or siblings who struggle with depression chances you could be prone to suffering from depression as well.
Stressful life experiences- If you are going through a lot of stress, this could trigger feelings of depression.
Trauma- Experiencing any kind of traumatic event like the sudden loss of a loved one, a breakup, or even exposure to violence can cause depression.
Having a baby- 15% of women suffer from postpartum depression after giving birth. It’s very important to seek help if you are feeling depressed after having your baby to prevent harm to the infant and or yourself.
Substance abuse and smoking- Research has revealed that people who drink alcohol, use drugs and smoke are more at risk to suffer from depression as a result of the addictive nature of these practices. People who drink alcohol, take drugs, or smoke use these to relax and de-stress, when in fact what they are doing is temporarily relieving their stress but slip into depression whenever the effects of these substances wear off. This leads them to crave more, making them even more depressed.
Poor sleep and dieting- Believe it or not, lack of rest and not eating a balanced diet can cause depression. Everyone needs sleep and proper nutrition for proper brain function. As you read before, lack of proper brain function is the scientific cause that leads to depression.
Lack of exercise- Research has proven that people who practice regular exercise or movement are less likely to be depressed as exercise increases brain cell production and reduces stress.
Changing of Seasons- Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that affects some people when fall or winter comes around when it’s colder and there is less light. The depression tends to lift when the warmer seasons come around.
Physical Illnesses- Some illnesses trigger depression such as severe head injuries, cancer, coronary heart diseases, and hyperthyroidism.

Different Types Of Depression

“Depression is a serious mental disorder. It can lead to acts of violence and suicide. Seeking professional help is necessary if you are feeling extremely depressed”

There are several types of depression that you need to be aware of:

Major depressive disorder is the most common and affects your overall mood and daily function.
Perinatal may affect a woman before or after giving birth.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder causes severe depression, anxiety, and fatigue before menstruation.
Persistent depressive disorder is a feeling of sadness and demotivation that occurs for most of the day.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is brought on by the change of season.
Atypical depression refers to a type of depression that lifts when positive events occur.

6 Easy Steps For Overcoming Depression

Depression can leave you feeling very sad, hopeless, frustrated, and drained to the point where there is no desire or motivation to seek help or treatment.

Though it is recommended that if you are suffering from extreme symptoms of depression you seek professional help immediately, there are simple things you can practice to alleviate the symptoms of depression.

Try to identify what kind of depression you might be suffering from and become familiar with its symptoms. This could give you better self-awareness to control your moods, as you experience moments of highs and lows.
Though you may not feel like it, try to be around friends and family more. Open up to the ones you feel most comfortable sharing that you are suffering from depression and need their help and encouragement.
Try exercising, going for nature walks, or cycling. Intentional movement helps to create healthy brain cells and balance which decreases stress and depressive symptoms.
Try meditation and spirituality. Meditation is proven to declutter and relax the mind, decreasing depressive symptoms. Spirituality, on the other hand, creates a space for you to find peace, comfort, and safety in a higher power than yourself.
Meet yourself where you are at. Understand that overcoming depression will not be an overnight fix. You might think suppressing the negative emotions you feel is doing the right thing, but this can lead to even more depression. Instead, allow yourself to go through the motions but not Indulge too much.
Express emotions through journaling, poetry, art, or music. Though you may have little to zero interest, it could help to turn to an avenue of creative expression to overcome your depression. You could be the next Picasso thanks to your depression.

As you break free from depression, and fall back in love with yourself, you will appreciate life even more than before. As you move forward on your healing journey, please bear in mind that you are not alone and that there is help for treating depression no matter how severe it seems. However, if you or someone you know is suffering from severe symptoms of depression for more than a week, consult with your doctor right away, to get the help you need to be the healthiest version of yourself. I wish you all the best!

Meditate on these things. Shalom!-- Dr. Nickie Ann

Knowing When it's Time to Let Go: Saying Goodbye to Unhealthy Relationships & Attachments

Nickie Ann Cespedies July 4, 2022

Letting go can start off feeling alone, but in the end, it always works out for the best.

The Fear of Letting Go

“We ultimately want to be happy, but unfortunately this will never happen holding on to an unhealthy relationship”

Ultimately, everybody wants to be happy in life. We all seek to get fulfillment from relationships, obtaining material things, being successful, having good health, or from recreational activities. However, the problem is, that happiness is quite evasive and many individuals spend a huge part of their lives holding on to relationships and things that will keep happiness a bay.

Many people struggle with letting go. The reality for some of us is that letting go is super hard. This is so because the people, jobs, or things we are attached to have seemed to have become a part of our comfort zones, and losing them could compromise our comfort and even our identities.

Based on research, the attachments that we develop with people or things, stem from the assumption that the same motivation that drives the emotional bond between a parent and child sticks with us throughout our lives, making us naturally inclined towards wanting to feel a sense of attachment to someone or something. Attachments tend to make us feel safe—providing a sense of belonging, and comfort. So we hold on to people or things not because they are the best for us, but rather because we fear letting go and venturing into the unknown.

How Do You Know You Have an Attachment Problem?

Years ago at the age of 15, I formed a deadly attachment with a boy I ended up marrying 10 years down the road. I call it “deadly“ because this person was a narcissist (you can read about this in my book The Mornings I Woke Up With Two Men) and these are the easiest to get attached to. You can stay in these types of toxic relationships for years that slowly eat away at your soul, leaving you drained, angry, and even aged. I‘ve also been attached to friends who left me feeling used, belittled, and unappreciated. Then there is that old Toyota Camry I still own today, that I can’t let go of because it was the first car I ever owned when I first moved to the U.S. Then there is teaching that I stuck with for 23 years not feeling I could be good at anything else. And not to mention that old black sweater I bought in 2004 that I keep taking back out of the Goodwill bag that I have not worn in six years. It’s all attachment— not being able to let go, and below you will find a checklist to see if you struggle with letting go of people and things.

You accept disrespect, being treated unkindly, or under-appreciated but you still remain in the relationship.
You know that you are no longer happy. You feel miserable all the time but you still remain.
You can’t bear the thought of living without the person, or thing you are attached to.
You make excuses in your head such as “I just can’t start over” or “Maybe it’s me.” to accommodate obvious red flags or misdeeds in the relationship.
You try to give away or sell treasured items several times but always end up changing your mind and making some type of excuse to keep them.
You have managed to convince yourself that “Life can’t get any worse”
The passion is gone from your job and you no longer enjoy what you do. You are afraid to try something new out of fear that you might fail or are just too lazy to invest in new effort.

So are you struggling with letting go? Is there anyone or thing that you believe you need to consider letting go of?

Letting go is sometimes hard and confusing, but it’s necessary for a more productive life.

Three Good Advantages of Letting Go

Many great things lie behind the unknown like new and amazing people to meet, new opportunities and adventures, and new treasures to acquire. The problem is though, you can’t receive tomorrow’s gift if your arms are filled with yesterday’s junk. Three good reasons to build up the strength to start letting go are:

Improved mental health- holding on to people or things that no longer bring you peace can leave you stressed, fearful, and anxious. Letting them go will lead to great improvement in your mental health and inner peace.
Healthier relationships- sometimes holding on to the wrong people and things can make you miss great opportunities to form healthier relationships with others. You waste a lot of your time being miserable trying to fix and make excuses to hold on to that person or thing that just does not make you happy anymore. All this time great friendships are passing you by and opportunities to start over fresh and acquire a new positive life.
Better flow of positive energy- by throwing out unnecessary things, and letting go of people who serve no good purpose in your life anymore, you open up a doorway to a better flow of positive energy in your life. Energy is very real, and the more clutter and negative people you have around will create a negative aura that keeps the positive out.

So How Do I Really Let Go?

“Sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go”

Learning to let go is a lesson worth learning. Our human nature will have us forming attachments to people and things for the rest of our lives. We should however try to develop a balance in our lives as it relates to attachments. We should try to bear in mind that ultimately nothing lasts forever, especially life. People change, times change, and norms become archaic. Accepting this reality and cultivating an open-minded approach to life will help you to become a steward of the people and things in your life and allow you to know when to let go of them when you know in your heart that they are no longer good for you anymore or serve a just purpose. Sometimes holding on does much more damage than letting go.

Five tips to practice letting go

Have a meeting with yourself and decide who are some of the people in your life presently, that make you flat-out miserable and unhappy. Have you discussed the issues that you are having with them but they make no effort to change? This could be a clear indication that you need to let go of these individuals. Life is just too short for you to put up with unnecessary misery. Trust me you will sleep much better at night the minute you have decided to do the big “snip-snip”.
Practice open-mindedness by accepting that people and times change. Nothing is meant to last forever so when someone starts acting contrary to your standards and expectations accept that it’s time to part ways. Even relationships have seasons and when the season has ended accept this reality and simply let go.
Practice self-love and self-care as you will always be your greatest support system. Please understand that a huge part of self-love and care is cultivating peace in your life. Holding on to unnecessary people and things that only provide stress and hurt do you more harm than good.
Take a walk around your home and visit your closet. Search for things and clothes that you know you haven’t used or worn in years. Trash what needs to be trashed and donate what needs to be donated. Make no excuses! If you have not worn it in over four years throw it out. If you have not used it in over four years maybe some special person is waiting at Goodwill to collect it. Holding on to clothes and other junk is just as dangerous as holding on to relationships. It blocks the natural flow of positive energy.
Last, if letting go is a serious problem for you never be afraid to seek professional help. Learning to let go becomes harder for some people who might need to seek the help of a professional to develop a treatment plan for this issue. Also, letting go of things and people is a lifelong habit that sometimes will require professional assistance to develop.

In summary, many people like myself struggle with letting go. For some, it might be that they can’t let go of certain relationships, others may struggle with letting go of maybe a job or an item. Regardless, the struggle is so real. We however have to keep an open mind that nothing lasts forever and that sometimes it takes letting go to realize that we are holding on to nothing. Good luck on your journey as you practice self-love and care by simply letting go.

Meditate on these things. Shalom-- Dr. Nickie Ann

Dedicated to Amanda Renee

Australian actor Andy Whitfield, as Spartacus on the Starz Network 2010.

"Be Here Now": Learning to Live Life in the Present and Enjoying it.

Nickie Ann Cespedies November 6th, 2020

Living in the Moment

“ Living in the moment means that we are fully aware of the moment we are in. If we are somewhere in the past or some place in the future, we are not truly fully alive in the present.”

Years ago, I secretly had a crush on an Australian actor named Andy Whitfield. I first laid eyes upon this almost perfect Greek god of a man, while he played the role of Spartacus on a series on Starz. I had no idea he was married with two kids ( not that it would make much of a difference, as so was I), neither did I know that he was struggling with a sad secret.

After the first season wrapped up, I could hardly wait for the second season to air to see my virtual lover in action, but sadly I would never see my Andy again. Instead I saw this other man in his role ( someone handsome enough), then at the end of the episode during the credits, I read “In loving memory of Any Whitfield...” I was in total shock, dismay and anguish. Just like that my Spartacus was gone.

I ran to Google of course to research what could have happened to my Andy, only to find out that he was diagnosed with Lymphoma cancer, while shooting the last three episodes of Spartacus season one. I also learned there was a documentary that he filmed while under-going his cancer treatment, documenting the last few months of his life with his beautiful wife, and two precious young children ( who I finally knew existed). The documentary was entitled “Be Here Now” and was so touching, it sparked a fire among his fans globally and started the “Be Here Now Tattoo Movement”.

Sadly it took Andy a diagnosis of Lymphoma cancer to realize he was never truly present. He verbalized this numerous times during the documentary, sharing that he was always so busy looking toward the next big project. There is no doubt he was a great husband and dad, but he admitted that his biggest regret was never living in the moment nor taking time to enjoy life’s simple treasures like a sunset, or even his family. Like many of us Andy was never “here now”; whether always somewhere in the past or future, either looking back regretting or hating, or planning and worrying. So What will it take for us to “Be here now"? The death of a loved one? Some terminal diagnosis? What will it finally take for us to realize that we only exist in this very moment? Not the past, not the future but here and now.

Time Traveling Does Exist!

There are so many of us who would scoff or laugh at the idea of time traveling, but I dear to say that some of us are actually time travelers. In fact, time traveling has been around since creation. Every time we leave the present and go back in time to dabble in regret, rehash old feelings or try to relive a moment in some toxic relationship you have become a classic time traveler. The same for those who are always traveling to the future to worry, plan revenge or construct some plan that will bring about an imbalance or hurt, they have time travelled.

Please do not get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with revisiting the past or taking a trip to the future. But it becomes counter productive, if your trip to the past is not for a point of reference to foster productivity and healthy memories. Whereas your trip to the future should only be for proactive planning. The past is no where to live and neither is the future. We were created to live every moment to its fullest fully cognizant of who, what and where we are now. Time traveling should only be practiced for the good of helping others. Can going back change the present? Can overthinking the future do likewise? No, certainly not. Only time can accomplish that. Give Time some time to do his job, without you getting in the way every other minute regretting or worrying.

Six Tips for Living in the Present

“Show a little more respect for the Present. After all it’s proof that you’re still alive. ”

The present is an awesome place to be, as after all it's proof that we are still breathing. The past is already gone and the future might never come. But we do have the present, and whether its perfect or not, that's the only place we actually exist. We can have a bit more peace if we embrace being here now- that is embracing every second of the present. Here are some simple but practical tips to help you do so:

1. Forgive those that have hurt you

Thinking about past hurt can trap you in a prison of bitterness and resentment in the past. If you are bitter and angry all the time, you will never be able to enjoy the beauty of the present. It's always best to let go off the anger, hurt and bitterness you feel for your own sake. Half the time the people who you are mad at have moved on living their happiest lives, while you are stuck in misery hating them for what they did to you in the past. Forgiveness is your therapy for living your happiest life in the present. Focus on your happiness in order to arrive at the best version of yourself.

2. Stop Worrying

Always remember that worrying changes absolutely nothing. Half the time the things we worried about worked themselves out anyway, so all that worrying was a waste of time that you could have spent enjoying your favorite series on Netflix. Worrying robs you of so much peace and much needed sleep, so the next time you‘re tempted to worry, just remind yourself that no matter how this looks, its's all going to work out for the best.

3. Try Short Meditation Breaks

Try taking short meditation breaks. This can be done almost anywhere. All you need is a secluded corner or any where comfortable and quiet to just take five minutes to become aware of your existence. Just close your eyes for five minutes, and listen to yourself breathe. Listening to your own breathing is not just great exercise for your lungs, it's also therapeutic, and a reminder that you are alive in this present moment and no where else.

4. Make a Vision Board but Work Hard Today

Dream big! Create your vison board for the things you plan to do in the future. However don't spend all that time dreaming. You will need to be working hard in the present to accomplish each vision or goal for the future. Don’t allow dreaming about tomorrow to replace living in the moment. Dreaming about the future is only productive when paired with the hard work you put in today.

5.Find a Job that you Love

There is a saying that goes, "If you find a job that you love you will never have to work a day in your life." Let's be honest many of us are robbed of noticing many beautiful sunrises and sunsets because we hate our jobs. In fact we spend more time at work than we spend at home dragging through the day; come home spiritually exhausted, then dread returning to work the next day to do it all over again. My advice is to have a serious conversation with yourself to discover what your passion is, and make that into your job. It might not be practical or possible to just quit your job to chase after your passion, but what is possible is finding the courage to find a job that you are passionate about, that will make you want to be present everyday both physically and mentally.

6. Less Time on Your Cellphone and More Time with Nature and Family

Truth be told, we only have this very moment to enjoy the most beautiful things that are totally free. I'm talking about golden sunsets and stunning sunrises; well dressed gardens; just a scenic road trip and yes your family. Put your cellphone down for ten minutes each day and just enjoy the beauty around you. It will not only remind you that the best things in life are free (and not always on social media), but also that this is what life is all about. Simply, about the things you will regret ignoring in that instant, when you get to the end of you life only to realize you hadn't really lived.

Learning how to live here and now is a true gift and the most essential ingredient in a well-lived and happy life. If we are only allowed to live one moment at a time, we might as well live in the present. A happy life to you!

Meditate on these things. Shalom!-- Dr.Nickie Ann

God is not found in a religion or a holy book, He is found in the core of every single human with a soul.

I Lost Religion and Found God

By Nickie Ann Cespedies December 28, 2020

This is not a sermon okay?

“Yahweh (God) exists outside of time and any religion. In fact God does not have a religion, and even if He did it would definitely be what Yahushua (Jesus) practiced”

Just making it perfectly clear, I will never be an atheist or agnostic, neither do I judge anyone who is a part of any of these groups. I do believe everyone has to choose their own path, and I don’t believe I’m wise or righteous enough to judge anyone about their spiritual or religious preferences as all judgement belongs to Yahweh.

I grew up in a Christian home with two very devoted Christian parents. It was not until I was eighteen however, that I decided to get baptized and become a born-again Christian. This was not a smooth journey as I backslid more times than I can count, and have had my moments where I questioned my faith and even God. Ironically, it was through these moments however, that I realized many truths about God that lead me to the path of salvation, peace, consciousness and creativity.

This post is about my personal encounter and I’m only speaking for myself. My intention is neither to convert or to perform a sermon, but to share a synopsis of my spiritual journey. Through my quest to reach my highest spiritual self in YHWH The Most High God. I have come to separate God from religion and have learned to embrace loving God outside the confinements of a religion. It is my belief today that God exists outside of time and any religion. In fact, God does not have a religion, and even if He did it would definitely not be any of the dominant ones that exist today. Though I identify as a "Christian" I take this role very seriously as I follow Yahushua Hamashiach (Jesus Christ); to the best of my ability what He does in Scripture and not the man-made traditions of Christianity.

In the beginning...

The first humans were given no religion. They were only offered one rule to lead them down a path of love through obedience.
As Christianity is the world's most dominant religion and the one to which I subscribe to for years, I will reference from this religion for this post. Most people are familiar with the creation story in the Bible in the book of Genesis which starts off with these famous words “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth" (Gen 1:1). The chapter goes on to list all the amazing animals and things that God created but surprisingly a religion was never one of them. Like any responsible parent, God made rules for his creation but He only made one rule for man “Do not eat from the tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil" (Gen. 2:17). This was a measure He put in place to give the most intelligent creatures that He created a choice to choose to love Him through their free will, instead of being forced or programmed to do so. By choosing to follow this one rule meant that man not only chose to obey God, but also chose to love and trust Him as a parent who knew what was best for His children. He gave one main rule, “to Love Him through obedience”, He never gave a long system of rules or mandated anyone to serve Him. He didn’t build any kind of edifice in the Garden of Eden and assigned a time of day for worship or any special day to go there to worship or pray to Him. He never commanded any special attire to be worn (in fact the humans he created was literally naked), or put a head Spiritual leader who would act in his stead in his absence. He only commanded the man and the woman he placed in the garden to be fruitful and multiply, and to simply not eat the forbidden fruit.

God is Good, Religion is Evil

“Religion is an evil man-made enterprise birthed out of darkness to create a barrier between man and God. Some of the greatest atrocities in history were all done in the name of religion.”

I love God more than the air I breath; even my very own children but I chose to abandon religion. In my bid to understand why the more involved I got into religion the more confused and distant I felt toward God, I decided to step away and listen to not the voice of a religion or any spiritual leader but from God himself, such freedom and wisdom I experienced. I did much necessary research about the concept of religion and it’s origins and the various ones that existed. In reality, most of the world's dominant religions all had similar origins about the creation story and had one central aim— to live a life of love to reach the highest spiritual attainment, and after death reap eternal peace. Though all these religions had their own versions of god or gods, I realized that they were all man-made concepts and traditions that people from various cultures adopted from generation to generation as divine. This has been probably the greatest deception for man created by Satan himself. God and religion are separate. God exists outside of Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism and the many other religions practiced globally. The truth is one can have a perfectly meaningful and profound spiritual experience without a religion. God never tied himself to any one or special religion and is too huge, timeless and complex to be contained in one. Hence He never gave us a religion and He never had any intentions to do so. Religion is an evil man-made enterprise birthed out of darkness to create a barrier between man and God. Some of the greatest atrocities in history were done all in the name of religion. Religions were created to control how far one grows spiritually and to brainwash man to judge, condemn and kill in the name of a god that stands for nothing religion endorses.

The more spiritual one gets the more unplugged they become, and the more unplugged they become, the more conscious they become of God and when this happens, they can never be controlled by man-made traditions and systems ever again. This is where we should all strive to be, unfortunately the yellow tapes in the forms of traditions and doctrines of a religion hinders this ascension to the highest point of spiritual consciousness and the fear of what others might say of them.

Six reasons why I abandoned religion

Religions create tribalism and division which breeds hatred and discord among humanity. Religious buildings need to be left empty while its occupants set out on a journey to find God for themself.

1. Religion endorses negative behavior that is contrary to the nature of God.

We are indoctrinated from a young age to believe in a certain religion as being the ultimate one. For example all Christians believe anyone who is not a Christian is lost and will wind up in hell if they do not accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. But is this really true? So geographic circumstances causing an innocent child to be born in a certain religion such as Hinduism or Islam, makes them hell-bound no matter how moral of a life they would have lived upon till their death? We are taught through religion to judge, condemn, discriminate, ostracize and even kill to promote our religious beliefs as superior to all other. Instead I choose to leave room for God's grace and mercy.

2. Religion is responsible for some of the greatest crimes against humanity in history.

Through this man-made enterprise, some of the most heinous crimes committed against humanity was done under the banner of religion. For example the Holocaust where Hitler attempted wiping out the Jewish race holding them responsible for Jesus' death. Then there was African slavery, which was justified by many Christian slaveholders and Christians, who believed God sanctioned slavery using the Bible to do so (Ephesians 6:5). Finally, the Salem witch trials where many innocent people were burned alive at the stake accused and condemned for practicing sorcery all in the name of doing "God's work".

3. Religion makes its leaders wealthy while its followers remain poor.

The lifestyle of today's religious leaders particularly in Christianity, models one of much opulence and flamboyance. From private jets to million dollar mansions, some of these leaders live quite the opposite lifestyle of humility that Jesus Christ lived. While they take the "widow's mite" and fatten their coffers, the congregants in their churches are deceived into thinking that the more they give, the more financial blessings they will get. This is however not the case. These leaders are blatantly robbing from the poor, desperate, and needy, to live their heaven on earth.

4. Religion is a prison for the ignorant

Religion was meant to trap us into a specific way of thinking to never question what we were born into, to accept as truth. Had we been born in another part of the world we might have been a Muslim, Buddhist or Rastafarian. Religion locks us into a mental prison to never question why we believe in what we do causing us to never learn the truth, and for those who dare to question, religion ostracizes you or condemns you for exercising your God- given intelligence. Religion taught us to not question God; God never taught us this.

5. You lose spiritual understanding

A giant misconception when it comes to religions is that they will enhance your spirituality.

However, the truth is quite the opposite: by forcing yourself down the throat of a single religion, you inherently prevent yourself from understanding more than one perspective or spiritual philosophy.

Your spiritual understanding immediately loses depth, because you have blocked yourself off from the other theologies and perspectives on life. In order to achieve spiritual growth one has to abandon religion and approach God himself.

6. Religion breeds fear

The number one way religions market themselves is through fear. They teach us to be afraid of a big man in the sky judging our every action. And like any lesson, fear is the worst way to teach it. Because instead of actually learning the difference between right and wrong, and why evil actions are things we shouldn’t do, we are instead taught to just fear the judgment of our actions. We do not learn why it is bad to hurt or steal from or cheat others, only that we should make sure that we do not get caught doing it.

So, I dared to abandon religion and became a "Christ Follower" rather than a "Christian" and it was only then I found God. Only you can choose your path but I pray Yahweh leads you to the right one as He did for me. Jesus I believe with all my heart is the Way , Truth, and Life, and no one come come to God but through Him. But I didn't find Him in Christianity. I found Him in my heart. I wish you all the best on your journey.

Meditate on these things (If you wish) Shalom-- Dr.Nickie Ann

Narcissists wear many masks and the sad part is, you never know who you’re going to have to deal with on any given day.

and the sad part is, you never know who you’re going to have to deal with on any given day.

Dealing with a Narcissist: Simple tips to overcome narcissism and its trauma

By Nickie Ann Cespedies May 19, 2022

Simply put, a narcissist is an individual who has an inflated sense of self-admiration and actually convinces himself or herself that the world revolves around them”

I think I can speak on behalf of anyone that has ever encountered a narcissist in any sphere of their life, being a victim of narcissistic abuse myself for 15 years of my life. A narcissist can be a partner (male or female), a parent, relative, your boss, your pastor, coworker, friends, world leaders and just about anyone from any race, socio- economic background, or gender.

But before we dive into the deep, let’s first understand who is a narcissist. Simply put, a narcissist is an individual who has an inflated sense of self-admiration and actually convinces himself or herself that the world revolves around them. Do you know anyone that fits this description? These days they are all around us and with the advent of social media narcissism has skyrocketed . A recent research revealed that 30% of young people were classified as narcissistic based on a popularly used psychological test.

My First Narcissist

If you have someone in your life who pretty much seems to have two faces— nice this minute then mean the next, makes you feel constantly confused or question your sanity, wants everything to be about them, care little about your feelings or what you value, ignores your boundaries and blames you for everything that goes wrong— avoids taking responsibility for their negative actions, and if they hurt you they make you feel guilty for speaking up? Then odds are you are dealing with a narcissist.

I met my first of many narcissist at the age of 15 and got married to him by age 25 (you can read the full story in my novel available for purchase on here The Mornings I Woke Up With Two Men). He was the most handsome and perfect guy showering me with gifts, compliments and attention constantly. I was the envy of so many females, and I was sure I was the luckiest girl in the world. He was so addictive, almost like a drug and I could never get enough. Then at the age of 18, suddenly in the blink of an eye, it all changed. He introduced me to his other side, when one day we got into an argument over some petty issue. Shockingly, he physically attacked me and called me a “stupid f***ing bitch”. I was in total amazement. My “Prince Charming” had quickly transformed into “Chucky” himself.

By this time it was too late for me though. I was already hooked to the Prince Charming side that he had sold to me in the beginning. As quickly as he switched to Mr. Hyde, he quickly went back to Dr. Jekyll. He cried and begged me not to leave him and that it was a mistake that would never happen again. With a bunch of beautiful yellow roses (my favorite color) and a bottle of expensive perfume, I took him back and signed up for a crazy narcissistic rollercoaster ride for the next 15 years, that almost ended my life.

“Narcissistic abuse is so real, though the narcissist will try to convince you that your being dramatic and over-sensitive. Anyone who encounters a narcissist and live to tell the tale, will admit that it is a life-changing experience”

Narcissistic abuse follows a distinct pattern where the narcissist gives their victim a series of highs and lows and intentionally attempts to control their partner or victim through manipulation. This leaves the victim always in a state of confusion and fear not knowing when the next low will be— slowly chipping away at their self esteem and sanity.

There are 3 phases of the cycle in a romanticized narcissistic relationship. This is by far the most dangerous and traumatic of all types of relationships you may encounter with a narcissist. But all victims regardless of which type of relationship, may encounter all three stages but with less consistentency.

Idealization in a narcissistic relationship is really the honeymoon phase. It’s the “love bombing” where you are showered with gifts, compliments, and money and made to feel as if you are on a pedestal.
Devaluation is when suddenly the victim is knocked off the pedestal and is no longer given constant attention or pampering. This is where the confusion and craziness begins. The victim is insulted, experiences gaslighting, (made to question what you know is true), attempts to control the victim, gives silent treatment as a means of punishing their victim, among other manipulative schemes.
Discarding is the last phase where the narcissist rejects their partner and pretty much leaves or ignores the victim. The narcissist will blame the downfall of the relationship on their victim. He or she will either find a new narcissistic supply while trying to keep the old supply open in case he chooses to return.

Do you think you are dealing with a narcissist?

Narcissists do not only exist in intimate relationships, they exist in all types of relationships. In fact, research proves that most narcissists developed from having narcissistic parent(s) or childhood trauma. You could be dealing with a narcissistic parent or relative, boss, pastor, neighbour, coworker or friend. How do you know you are dealing with a narcissist? Simple, let’s do the narcissistic trait check. Below are ten general but key signs that you could be dealing a narcissist:

They think super highly of themselves and that everyone should treat them with respect but they don’t necessarily reciprocate this respect to others.
They tend to be very controlling and manipulative making you do what you don’t want without even being aware. They become angry quickly for simple things, and punish you in some way when you do not comply with their wishes or think you have disappointed them.
They switch personalities quickly. They are very nice this minute then become mean the next. You find yourself very timid around them and like your constantly walking on eggshells fearful of their mean side.
They tell blatant lies to make you think you are going crazy. This is called gaslighting and leaves the you in a constant state of questioning reality and confusion.
They take no responsibility for their actions and try to blame you for the things they are guilty of even if they are caught red-handed.
They revert to throwing childish tantrums and saying immature things when they do not get what they want.
They try to insult you, withhold praise, compliments and condescend you in an attempt to erode your self-esteem. This is an attempt to be superior and control you. They will even convince that you are nothing without them and try to steal the show at any chance they get.
They will pretend to be a nice person to you in public but behind closed doors treat you badly and make you feel belittled and small (two-faced).
They make everything about them and are very selfish. They only think about their feelings and their own needs and will rarely take your emotions or needs into consideration. If you complain, they will tell you you are being selfish and oversensitive.
They show very little emotion toward you or empathy when they hurt you. They will hurt you and turn around and either mock you to your face, flip the channel, or simply leave you without acknowledgment or an apology.

So do any of these signs suggest you might be dealing with a narcissist? Well if your answer was “no” lucky you! But if your answer was “yes” let’s read on to find out how to deal with a narcissist.

How to deal with a narcissist

“So in reality the best way to deal with a narcissist is to avoid them at all cost and do not engage them.”

The sad reality about being a narcissist is that the narcissist does not know that he or she is one. They actually think they are perfect and everything that goes wrong in their lives is someone’s fault. So in reality the best way to deal with a narcissist is to avoid them at all cost and do not engage them. Narcissists are very toxic and will ruin your life by the time they are through with you. You will be left struggling with many mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, sleep disorders, and many more.

There are some narcissists that will be difficult for you to avoid like your parents, children, or your boss. In these cases set your boundaries and keep them set. Try to study as much as you can about narcissistic personality disorder, so you can detect quickly when you are being manipulated or abused and let them know and that you will not accept it. In other relationships, don’t be afraid to cut anyone off who you feel is a narcissist. You deserve to be treated with the same respect that you give, and to be happy, safe, and at peace.

If you believe you are dating a narcissist whether in a marriage, or otherwise, my advice to you to by a pair of comfortable running shoes and run to the hills. A narcissist can never change and you cannot fix them though you will try and fail miserably. In the end, you will be left broken, traumatized, and discarded. The best thing you could do for yourself is to end the relationship immediately, and cut off all communication. Block him or her on your phone and all social media and go completely ghost. The narcissist needs you more than you needed him or her so they will try in every way to win back their narcissistic supply. However, if you chose to remain with your narcissist, my advice to you is to hire a good therapist. Good luck and stay safe!

Meditate on these things. Shalom!-- Dr. Nickie Ann

Dedicated to all victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse. “Choosing to leave is not a choice but a process”

Lunch with Miss. Kathy: There is a story trapped behind every Face

Nickie Ann Cespedies January 1, 2024

Everyone has an interesting story to tell. No one is 100% boring.

I met Ms. Kathy at church, a beautiful Caucasian senior citizen in her 70's (you really couldn't tell though because she looks way younger). The day we remained behind at church for "new members meeting" and she offered me a ride home with us talking all the way to my house, I felt the spark of friendship ignite. We started texting a couple of weeks ago as young gals do these days, and finally I took the leap to ask her out for lunch.

I suggested Olive Garden as I believed it would be quiet enough, affording time for meaningful conversation, and Ms. Kathy kind of looked like a "Pasta Gal". She shared with me she actually loved Olive Garden and we quickly agreed on a time and date with much anticipation. You see Miss. Kathy was living a way from her daughter and grand children hundreds of miles away and like her, I was thousands of miles away from home. To make matters worse, with both my parents recently passing away two years ago, those thousands of miles felt like trillions! Like Miss. Kathy, I yearned for close family and we partnered together at Oliva Garden to reciprocate fulfilling this yearning.

Who is Ms. Kathy? Not the Ms. Kathy at Church, But the Real Ms. Kathy behind the face...

Ms. Kathy turned up looking gorgeous as usual almost looking younger than me. We both went for soup and salad as neither of us were hungry. We started talking immediately while waiting for our soup and salad which didn't take long to arrive. I tried not to pry, but I sincerely wanted to know Ms. Kathy on a deeper level than a mere "face" at church that just smiled and waved at me. I was intentional to get to know who she was to serve her better as a friend. I no longer wanted to assume who she was but I wanted a first hand account from Ms. Kathy herself and I made all the time in the world to learn about this remarkable lady.

So, What Exactly Did I Learn?

“Never judge anyone whether for good or bad without hearing their story first”

Well, I learned that Ms. Kathy is 76, and loves Zuppa soup. I also learned that she had a two children, one gorgeous model-looking granddaughter (Brooklyn) who is extremely smart, and about three very handsome grandsons. Her son and daughter were all half-black as her ex-husband was a black man. There was another man (we will call him "The Poet) that liked her when she was much younger but she thought that he was a bit too boring for her taste, as all he did was write poetry all day long. She settled with the Black guy who she met on blind date but got divorced later on but they still manage to remain friends. She has a son-in-law who played in the NBA for the New York Knicks and The Los Angeles Clippers, who though divorced from her daughter, they still remain close as she thinks he is a genuinely nice soul. Ms. Kathy and I shared something else in common as she was a teacher like me. She claimed that she is a pretty boring person but we spoke for two hours. Come on Ms. Kathy, I know boring people and you are definitely not one! Your stories took me on an emotional journey as you brought me behind the confines of what the world sees daily, and into the secret passage of your soul-- a treasure box of splendid memories wrapped in beautiful emotions of joy, sadness, timidity, brokenness, and peace--- all makings of a life well-lived.

But What Should We Really Learn From My Lunch Date with Ms. Kathy?

There is a story behind every face, whether a smile, a frown, an expression of indifference, haughtiness, or anger. Instead of judging someone so quickly to see them as "nice" or "horrible" learn to have an open-mind and realize that the same way we wish to be accepted and understood they too have a story that has made them the way they are which qualifies them for reciprocated acceptance and also being understood.
It doesn't take much to be a friend to someone. A lunch date at Olive Garden was all it took for me. In fact I am sure if I had invited Ms. Kathy to meet me at a park or on a nature trail, she would have been just as excited to cease the moment to have companionship. One day like Ms. Kathy if we are blessed enough we will be old and might be in need of company. "We reap what we sow" (Galatians 6:8).
What good is "fellowship" in a church if we do not know three quarter of the people there? Is this really fellowship. How would I have know that Ms. Kathy was living away from her family had we not taken time away from church to get to know each other? While church is an awesome place to meet believers, the fellowship really sparks when we get to know each other on a more intimate level outside of the four walls of church, where we can pray for each other and just be a friend.

Ms. Kathy and I had a great time together at lunch which ended in prayer and hugs. We have vowed to do it again real soon. Until then we will just continue to text like the young gals we are. My Ms. Kathy is taken, but I am sure there are plenty more Ms. Kathy's out there just waiting for you to take for lunch.

Meditate on these things (If you wish) Shalom-- Dr. Nickie Ann

Page updated

Google Sites

Report abuse